Non-Public Health Perceptions in April 2020

Reeling of feelings about healing and stealing time to make meals. Statistics seem unreal as the news reveals daily, something new for us to deal with.

Spiels and rants and opinions, shrills and shrieks inside, physically and in my head. Dread what’s next.

Try to flex with motivation. Stumped, with lack of relations with others, which is missed. Kissed handshakes goodbye, wide circles around people, distrust behind masks of those near and far. Being told it helps. Questioning, while not wanting to risk that I might overcome but loved ones might not.

Caught in the middle of an inevitable riddle, as ironies unfold, and normal lives are sold for meaningless money to feed the doomed value of our country.

As we seek something crunchy to satisfy fake hunger with time wasted inside. We can no longer hide from ourselves or our lives, we’ve tried so hard to escape. We now have to face, with microscopic taste, and what we’re really like.

As stress levels spike.

Learning to ride a bike for the first time, but we try. And we talk ourselves into overcoming. Succumbing to the surreal.

As we hash out truths to stories and discuss the gory details. And our minds and lives derail. And we fail to understand. And don’t have a plan. Hoping things pan out. And we figure out what this new life is about.

We laugh and find humor for now. In the midst of the pain. Grateful for what’s gained. While others have lost.

The cost of it all. And projected decisions made, based on history and mystery. And blistering egos protected.

Being deflected at each angle. Like the old game Breaker. And we are the ball. Trying to get through. And we are the control. Keeping the game in play. And we are the blocks. That betray our minds thinking.

Swayed by this and that. While slightly staying true to what’s deep inside of you. Thinking so few understand. On this island of our lives. We can’t swim far from now.

As we try to seek out connection. When we are fed up with introspection. Conception of a present and future construed. As we are unable to move. Physically and in our minds. Because we are in a bind. From one day to the next.

Vexed. No solutions or answers. When everything is up in the air, that we are not allowed to breathe.

So, we stay inside and seethe about ordered isolation. Yet we see with resignation. And hope that actions taken will help us to awaken to results unmistaken.

And time will be unshaken once again.

USC Master of Public Health, gerontologist, kinesiologist, writer focusing on the dimensions of wellness, targeting self-care for family caregivers.

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